In my mind, Vegas is where all answers are yes. Yes, food can be delivered to your room at all ungodly hours of the AM. Yes, booze is free (if you have a vagina.) Yes, feel free to get drunk as shit in broad daylight in front of children and their families–in fact, it’s encouraged. Yes, you can take a cab through the In-N-Out drive thru (which we took full advantage — thank you, State of Nevada!)
There were a LOT of yesses this trip, and a few no’s..
– Skipping long ass taxi lines out of sheer luck. Nobody objected because the guys who let us in were drunk out of their minds/so hilarious. (Otherwise, I’m nearly positive an angry mom would’ve reamed us out.)
– Receiving ALL your stuff back after you’ve left it in your hotel room AFTER checking out. This includes the money in your wallet, passports, all ID’s, iPhones, new Forever21 dresses.. The housekeeper fills out a form, and lists everything they’ve found.
Yeah, we dun goofed our second day (we had to switch hotels) and we were freaking the fuck out. I was digging through my giant backpack while having a belated birthday lunch, and my purse (filled with my entire life) was missing. Yes, I am an idiot. (!!)
In case you do lose your passport in Vegas, you’ll have to go to the nearest Canadian Embassy (4 hours away in LA) and overnight one over ($200). My girlfriends Google’d all that up in the midst of losing our shit/while I cabbed to Planet Hollywood by myself and sat in the Lost & Found for two hours–bless them.
– While I was in the Lost & Found, I learnt that some people often leave entire suitcases filled with clothes in their room after checking out, leaving the state for weeks on end, only to call back a month later.. (what the fuck?!)
– Friends finding bags for you to throw up in while waiting for your taxi after the club (my friend asked housekeeping and came back with a bag that said “Hazardous Materials” and the skull faces all over..how fitting!)
– Checking into your 5-star hotel in a crop top and cutoffs. You will get stares, maybe even shakes of the head, but the customer service is still exceptional because money talks.
– Being invited to the table right next to Tiesto’s DJ booth, getting to shake hands with him and telling him you love him, even if you may or may not listen to his music..
– Taking THIS photo in between throwing up in an empty Fiji water bottle and throwing up for the rest of the night in a washroom:
This is the result of having full control of a 4.5L bottle of Grey Goose vodka. I was literally pouring it into my friends’ glasses going, “Wheeee!”
– Getting so drunk to the point where I was holding a can of Redbull upside down, and did not notice until my girlfriend flipped it over, and was like “KAYLYNN!!!”
– Waking up to glitter all over the room/shower/a tribute to Katy Perry’s Friday Night
– Going in for a foot soak, only to overflow the tub with bubbles.. (I used up the last of our shampoo. Oops.)
– Bay Area girls! We met a lot of people from SF that weekend, and everyone was surprised (and to our luck, delighted) that we were Canadian. One girl even said, “I didn’t know there were so many Asian people in Vancouver!” Oooh girl.. there is.
– This photo:
– Bruises that come from nowhere (although this happens in every city):
– Belated birthday cake in a bed that’s not yours..
– Drive-thru via exasperated taxi driver for a double double animal style:
– If you’re going to be a loofah for Halloween, prepare to set aside at least an hour to puff up your damn costume.
– I know all guys lie in Vegas, but at least come up with a good one. This guy who would not leave me alone said he was from LA, worked as an investor at a reputable firm, and came down every single weekend to promote at the clubs in Vegas. Like y’all must be doing sooo well at your daytime job.. Another guy told me his name was Norway because he was born in Norway. That is like my parents naming me Canada. Like what. The. Fuck.
– Just because it’s expensive, doesn’t mean it’s delicious.
Vegas is SO many crazy things. It’s both insane and disorienting to know that only a few blocks of a city is made into such a consumerist spectacle, while the rest of the city is far less dazzling. So many yesses, and yes, women get a lot of free shit but it’s at the expense of being objectified..
My girlfriends and I promised each other that in a few years, we’re going to go back and get ourselves a liquor-laden table with bottles of Grey Goose the length of our legs. And we’ll be asking club managers to fish us the most beautiful men and women in the club..
Here’s to dreaming/talking shit!
I’ve been camping before.
OK.. with schools, supervisors, and teachers and all that but I’ll have you know that I’ve done a camping trip that comprised of 8 hours of canoeing across the Salmon Arm (I might be exaggerating but it was definitely in the 6-8 hour ballpark.)
Anyways, this was the first time I’ve gone camping sans age 25+ chaperones. This time it was just my friends and I, and honestly.. I know next to nothing about camping except for you need a tent and a sleeping bag. And that a cot is a good idea.
Although, I do know that you can use Doritos for kindling (thank you, Tumblr.)
The second night, we were rained out. This mass of angry James and the Giant Peach-esque grey clouds hovering above our campsite spurred our suspense to level 100. Uh, who knew it could rain so hard for one hour? Everything was in complete mayhem for that one hour–we tarped our tent, Nicolle and I had to pack everything in our tent, load the camping gear in to the pickup, tarp everything in the pickup once the tent was taken down, etc–honestly felt like the apocalypse was upon us (which, judging by how poorly we reacted to the sudden torrential downpour, we would never survive.)
So here are some things I learned that weekend:
- bring two tarps–even if the first one is the size of a high school gymnasium
- you need two tarps–one for under and over the tent–because if it rains, water pools under the tent (so logical and smart, and why the fuck didn’t we bring two tarps?)
- Ellen Degeneres has saved us all (please refer to an Apple App Store and search “Heads Up”)
- tents aren’t waterproof
- citronella is holy
- three packs of bacon is not overdoing anything by any means
- floaties are integral
- the geese at Cultus Lake are most likely on a high-fibre diet
- fire ash does not take away from the wonderment that is s’mores
- you will need ice
- Doritos can be used as kindling…
- don’t steal anyone’s campsite parking because they will tell on you
- one word: gazebo
- don’t anger the park ranger because he takes his job very seriously
- red and white checkered table cloths would have been everything
- communal naptime should always be on the agenda
- don’t panic in times of panic
- In Hawaii, Jason and I laughed at how dangerous it is to ride in the back of a pickup truck. Especially since we were driving behind this especially melancholy-looking couple on a highway (they weren’t looking too happy as it had started to rain). But I realized how fun it might be to just lie there (on a sunny day), and watch the clouds pass by. It’s like lying in a field and staring at the sky, except now you’re the one who’s moving.