Tagged: best

Things I Learned About Camping

Casual glamour shot in Chilliwack

Casual glamour shot in Chilliwack

I’ve been camping before.

OK.. with schools, supervisors, and teachers and all that but I’ll have you know that I’ve done a camping trip that comprised of 8 hours of canoeing across the Salmon Arm (I might be exaggerating but it was definitely in the 6-8 hour ballpark.)

Anyways, this was the first time I’ve gone camping sans age 25+ chaperones. This time it was just my friends and I, and honestly.. I know next to nothing about camping except for you need a tent and a sleeping bag. And that a cot is a good idea.

Although, I do know that you can use Doritos for kindling (thank you, Tumblr.)

Bacon-centered weekend

Bacon-centered weekend

The second night, we were rained out. This mass of angry James and the Giant Peach-esque grey clouds hovering above our campsite spurred our suspense to level 100. Uh, who knew it could rain so hard for one hour? Everything was in complete mayhem for that one hour–we tarped our tent, Nicolle and I had to pack everything in our tent, load the camping gear in to the pickup, tarp everything in the pickup once the tent was taken down, etc–honestly felt like the apocalypse  was upon us (which, judging by how poorly we reacted to the sudden torrential downpour, we would never survive.)

So here are some things I learned that weekend:

  • bring two tarps–even if the first one is the size of a high school gymnasium
  • you need two tarps–one for under and over the tent–because if it rains, water pools under the tent (so logical and smart, and why the fuck didn’t we bring two tarps?)
  • Ellen Degeneres has saved us all (please refer to an Apple App Store and search “Heads Up”)
  • tents aren’t waterproof
  • citronella is holy
  • three packs of bacon is not overdoing anything by any means
  •  floaties are integral
  • the geese at Cultus Lake are most likely on a high-fibre diet
  • fire ash does not take away from the wonderment that is s’mores
  • you will need ice
  • Doritos can be used as kindling…
  • don’t steal anyone’s campsite parking because they will tell on you
  • one word: gazebo
  • don’t anger the park ranger because he takes his job very seriously
  • red and white checkered table cloths would have been everything
  • communal naptime should always be on the agenda
  • don’t panic in times of panic

pickuptruck

  • In Hawaii, Jason and I laughed at how dangerous it is to ride in the back of a pickup truck. Especially since we were driving behind this especially melancholy-looking couple on a highway (they weren’t looking too happy as it had started to rain). But I realized how fun it might be to just lie there (on a sunny day), and watch the clouds pass by. It’s like lying in a field and staring at the sky, except now you’re the one who’s moving.
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Antics (Part 1)

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– The forbidden dress

– *In an australian accent* “I’m from Sydney—Melbourne, Sydney. And he’s my best mate,” “Nobody cares.”

– ”You can’t talk to us unless you can dance like Beyonce.”

“I’m gonna go now..”

– The monkey-in-a-tree hat

– Vannie standing with her legs apart for stability because I kept booty poppin’ into her

– The ledge—“I was watching you dance on the ledge and was thinking.. If she falls, she’s going to fall into the VIP then onto the floor under the table.”

– Steven

– Sab’s hand

– The Australians

– “You go ahead and giggle your way through life!”
“That’s exactly what I’ve done.”

– “So I see your friend is gay.”

– “Can i please hold your left hand?”
“Oh my God, what is his hand doing out? Is he doing a magic trick?”

– When that Australian guy actually tried dancing like Beyonce..

– So much rum

– “I was ten and my glasses flew off, and I was blind for the rest of our trip so I’m never going on it ever again.”
“There’s a sign that says no glasses allowed, Vannie.” — about the roller coaster on top of New York, New York

– “You girls are just vain.”

“IF WE WERE VAIN WE WOULD NOT BE TALKING TO YOU. THIS IS US BEING FRIENDLY”

– “Do you have a table? My feet hurt,” — Vannie to a completely random stranger at Pure

– Dancing our ASSES off @ Tao

– The Champagne Incident

– Talking about Diplo: “That’s the kind of sexy white boy we need to find you,”

– Sab and I talking shit. Just so much unnecessary shit.

– Wanting to leave Pure to have our lesbian bubble bath

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– The American girl’s birthday

– Riding the roller coaster on New York, New York, thinking it was kiddie shit, but really we started crying.

–  Overflowing the jacuzzi tub with bubbles and water, drenching our entire washroom, and proceeding to have a bubble fight in the hotel room.

– “Is this a private table?”
“Yes.”
*he sits down anyways*

– Serendipity’s frozen hot chocolate is the BOMB diggity

– “Oh, there she is. That’s the one. That’s nice, that’s niiiiice.”

– “Girl where you from? I know where you from.. you from HEAVEN.”

– “Girl what’s yo name? Is yo name TASTY?”

– “You girls are gorgeous.”

“No.”

“No?”

“What did she say?”

“She said no?”

“No?”
“No.”

– The Ivy League school boys

– “Haaapppy birthday!”
“Thanks… Here’s your shot.”

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– Blueberry vodka

– “Have a shot!”
“No. I puked in my own drink last night, I think I’m ok.”
“Oh, ok.”

– Puking patron in my own drink and setting it down casually at the bar

– Singing “I got patron in my cup cause I puked it up!”

– WHERE ARE ALL THE SEXY PEOPLE?

– “Are you white?”
“Excuse me? Did you just ask me if I was white?”
“Yeah, and I bet you’re Jewish too”
“I AM jewish!”

– Vannie talking to a drug launderer and me screaming “NOOOOO” so loud, Sab had to cover my mouth

– Vannie and “older” men

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– Yes, we’re actually Charlie’s Angels but an all Asian version and we’re here to fight crime…

– About to get into the shoe at Cosmo, casino dealer walks over and says “Girls… Get yo ass in that shoe and lets take a picture!”

– Drew Zilla

– Me kissing every female at Tao

– “All we did was listen to house music and One Direction because of Kaylynn.”

– “Yeah, he has no friends.”

2 nights later..

“He’s 5 people behind us.”

“With no friends.”

– Dinner and Cirque du Soleil

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– the Diamond Lounge

– “His name is Jesus Ortiz!”
“That’s probably a fake name. I mean, look at you. You just said ‘Oh my God, his name is Jesus Ortiz.’ “ — and that night, Jesus Ortiz showed me his ID, proving that his name is indeed Jesus Ortiz.

– Jesus Ortiz is actually the nicest man ever

– *smiling* “What did he say?” “I have no idea” — this every night

– Almost missing our flight because we were playing slots @ the airport. Got yelled at by the guy who lets people on at the gate. We are obviously future Diamond cardholders

– Dragging 5 gallons of water from Walgreens back to our hotel

– Ashley, Serena, and Anna

– Vannie objectifying men who objectify us:
“HEY! YOU’RE CHINESE. YOU’RE HOT”

“HEY, YOU’RE WHITE AND I KINDA WANT SEE YOUR SIX PACK BUT I DON’T KNOW IF YOU HAVE ONE”

“Awwwwwww,”

– “Oh my God, like look at her dress, she didn’t even cut those strappy thing you use to hang it on store hangers,” — us talking shit, who do we think we are?

– “If he looked that sexy last night, and this ugly in real light.. I don’t even want to know how we look.”

– Pink’s chilli cheese dogs are life itself

– Hating the MGM Grand just sooooo much. Sooo much

– Stealing M&M’s from the M&M Factory because it’s a conspiracy

– “Evening, y’all!” — Southern accents are the best.